How to Spot a Romance Scam (Before It Costs You)

You can spot most romance scams with one rule: if someone you have not met in person asks you for money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or help moving funds, it is almost certainly a scam. Before that request, scammers typically move fast emotionally, avoid video calls and meetings, claim to live or work far away, and try to move you off the dating app. This guide explains how the scam works, gives you checklists to use, and tells you what to do if it happens to you.

The advice here aligns with consumer guidance from the US Federal Trade Commission, whose page What to Know About Romance Scams is an excellent, regularly updated resource.

What is a romance scam?

A romance scam is fraud in which someone creates a fake identity and builds an online relationship in order to extract money, personal information or help with criminal activity. Scammers are often part of organized groups working from scripts. They are patient, sometimes investing weeks or months before asking for anything. The FTC notes that romance scammers commonly find targets through dating sites, apps and social media, and that people of every age and background are targeted.

How does a typical romance scam unfold?

Most follow a recognizable script. Knowing the stages makes it much easier to notice when you are in one.

Romance scam warning signs checklist

If you tick two or more of these, slow down and verify before going further. If you tick the last section at all, stop.

Profile and identity

• ☐ Their photos look professional, like a model or influencer.
• ☐ Their profile is thin, but their interest in you is intense.
• ☐ Their photos appear under other names in a reverse image search.
• ☐ Their spelling, grammar or tone doesn't match their stated background.
• ☐ Details of their story shift over time (age, city, job, family).

Behavior

• ☐ They want to leave the dating app almost immediately.
• ☐ They declare strong feelings very quickly.
• ☐ They always have a reason they can't video call or meet.
• ☐ They ask lots of questions about your finances, home or job.
• ☐ They ask you to keep the relationship secret from friends or family.
• ☐ They get upset, guilt-trip or go cold when you hesitate.

Money (stop immediately)

• ☐ They ask for money, even a small amount, even as a "loan".
• ☐ They ask for gift cards, wire transfers, crypto or payment-app transfers.
• ☐ They want you to receive money or packages and send them on.
• ☐ They offer to teach you to invest or trade crypto.
• ☐ They ask for bank details, ID documents or account logins.

The FTC is blunt on this point: nobody legitimate will ask you to pay with gift cards, wire transfers or cryptocurrency to help them.

What are the most common romance scam stories?

• The deployed soldier: claims to serve overseas and needs money for leave, communications or a flight home.
• The oil rig or ship worker: can't access their bank, needs funds for equipment or wages.
• The doctor abroad: working for an international organization, has a sudden emergency.
• The stuck traveler: wants to visit you but needs money for tickets, visas or "customs fees".
• The inheritance or gold shipment: needs fees paid to release a large sum.
• The investment mentor: gently introduces a crypto or trading platform where "we can build our future". Early small "profits" appear real; withdrawals later become impossible.
• The sextortion trap: flirts toward intimate photos, then threatens to share them unless paid.

Why are crypto and investment romance scams so dangerous?

These scams are especially damaging because they don't feel like requests for help. Instead, the scammer appears successful and generous, offering to share their "strategy". They may guide you to a professional-looking website or app that shows your balance growing. Victims often invest more and more, sometimes borrowing, before discovering they can't withdraw. Any romantic contact who steers conversation toward investing, crypto or trading platforms should be treated as a scammer until proven otherwise, and ideally simply blocked.

How can I check whether a match is real?

1. Reverse image search their photos using a search engine's image search. Matches under different names are a clear red flag.
2. Ask for a live video call early. Keep it short and casual. Repeated excuses are a warning.
3. Ask a specific, local question they should know if their story is true, and see whether answers stay consistent.
4. Search their name plus "scam" or phrases from their messages; scammers reuse scripts.
5. Talk to a friend. Scammers rely on secrecy. An outside view helps enormously.
6. Check verification. A verified badge on a dating platform is a good sign, though not a guarantee.

How do dating platforms help prevent romance scams?

Platform design matters. Scammers need volume: they message many people at once and see who responds. Features that make that harder include mutual-match messaging (nobody can message you unless you liked them too), daily like limits, scam keyword filters, verification and human moderation. Souldaters uses all of these: you can only chat after a mutual like, there's a daily like limit to stop spam, messages pass through a scam keyword filter, and every profile has block and report buttons, with reports reviewed by a human moderator. No platform can stop every scammer, though, so your own awareness remains the strongest defense. See our safety page and why mutual-match dating is better.

What should I do if I think I'm being scammed?

1. Stop sending money, no matter what they say will happen.
2. Stop contact. Don't announce that you've figured it out; scammers may try new stories.
3. Save evidence: screenshots of profiles, messages, payment receipts, usernames and phone numbers.
4. Contact your bank or payment provider immediately. Sometimes transfers can be stopped or recovered if you act fast.
5. Report the profile on the dating app and any other platform they used.
6. Report to authorities. In the US, report to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov; in other countries, use your national fraud reporting center or police.
7. Beware of "recovery" scams. People who contact you promising to get your money back for a fee are often scammers too.
8. Get support. Talk to people you trust. Shame keeps many victims silent.

How do I report a suspected scammer on a dating app?

Report even if you are not completely sure. Moderators see patterns across many reports that individual users cannot, and your report may protect someone more vulnerable. When you report:

• Use the in-app report button on their profile or in the chat, so moderators see the context.
• Choose the most specific reason available (for example, scam or fake profile).
• Add a short note: "Asked me to invest in a crypto app after two weeks" or "Photos belong to someone else".
• Then block them so they can no longer contact you.

On Souldaters, reports go to a human moderator, and blocking closes the chat permanently for both of you.

Why do smart people fall for romance scams?

Because the scam targets emotions, not intelligence. Scammers are skilled, patient and backed by scripts refined over thousands of attempts. They often find people at vulnerable moments: after a divorce, a bereavement, a move or during loneliness. If it has happened to you, you're not foolish. You're someone who was open to love and was deliberately deceived. People dating later in life, who may be newly single after many years, are frequently targeted; our guide to dating after 50 addresses this sensitively.

How do I protect a friend or parent from a romance scam?

• Ask open questions about their new partner rather than accusing: "Have you two video-called yet?"
• Offer to help with a reverse image search together.
• Share the FTC guidance or this article as a neutral source.
• Stay close. Isolation is the scammer's greatest ally.

Quick reference: real connection vs. romance scam

For broader protection beyond scams, read our online dating safety tips and learn about everyday red flags and green flags.